On my way… by Marie

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life


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Nothing will ever be the same…

© Jean-Marie Viguié

© Jean-Marie Viguié

“I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” – Mary Anne Radmacher (Expect that, as far as I’m concerned, it is only on the other side of the Channel :p)

I mean… that’s true! What do expect? Who do you expect me to be? The exact same girl I was when I left in January? Hmmm, I don’t think so! How can you even expect me to be the same person? I’ve been LIVING (I especially want to highlight this word “LIVING”, because during all that time in England and for one of the first times in my life, I truly felt like I was living, like I could actually breathe and be happy… I’ve just been reminded what it was to smile… it’s as easy as that!) abroad for 6 months, I’ve met incredible people (who are now my friends), I’ve discovered new customs and adopted them… And I don’t want to give up on all that, simply because it’s part of me now, part of who I am, part of who I’ve become. You can’t honestly ask me to forget all I’ve been experiencing and be the girl I used to be again, because I can’t do that, I simply CAN’T!

And if it grieves you, dad, grandpa, grandma, little bro, my friends… well, I’m sorry but the only thing I have to say is… “You DEFINITELY should have known that!” Everybody knows that a ‘travel’ such as this is not without consequences; it leaves its mark, and mine DEFINITELY left an indelible one on me!Therefore, I know that nothing’s going to be the same again… it’s just IMPOSSIBLE!

And here I am, facing the sea and thinking that what can be expected from this point forth are the magical fluidity of every moment, and the sense of peace in knowing that my life will never be the same again.

Mark Twain once wrote: “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.” I kind of tend to have the same opinion… and I think that if my family and friends react the way they do, it’s simply because they don’t know what it is to live abroad and then realize that none of the parts of your former life will be the same, that everything’s about to change. Why? Because you have brand new eyes, you see things differently; because you ARE different, you’ve changed; in a word, you’ve grown up (well that’s actually 4 words but… NEVERMIND!) I think that’s what Terry Pratchett meant when he wrote, “Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colours. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”

As far as I’m concerned, I needed to leave. I needed to leave to find myself and (also, I think) to realize I could actually be happy even after all the mess that had invaded my family (and unfortunately, the mess is still going on :s!). So, as I am facing that powerful feeling today, the feeling of a possible happiness, but above all, the feeling of belonging somewhere, I can assure you that I won’t let them change who I’ve become… because (and I hope I’m not arrogant saying this) I’m kind of proud of that person ;p!

Become who you want to become so that you can be proud of yourself (a little bit of pride never killed anyone, did it?!): that would be my advice for today ;)!

And of course,

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

Much love to all my readers 💛💛

xoxo

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There will only be one Goodbye…

And it’s dedicated to France! I know that this post is going to shock a lot of people, but here it is… I’ve never been selfish, or at least I don’t think so. But this time is different! I can’t go back to France, I won’t (or practically I will go back there to take my exams and finish what I’ve started, but I’m not sure to still be here in September)!

One says that ‘the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained’, that’s why I think you deserve some explanations…

I’m sorry… but I don’t think I’ll be able to live in France again… simply because I’ve found the place where I belong. I’ve held my breath for years and I’ve been hurt because of that. I definitely can’t live the rest of my life in a country that doesn’t match with me, where I don’t feel well (anymore? I don’t know if France has ever matched with me or if I’ve ever matched with France). Moreover… I think it’s time for me to finally move on (that’s what’s best for everybody I think)!

It’s not a sudden impulse or whatsoever! I’ve been thinking about it since my last high school year but I thought that last year was too early (maybe it wasn’t…). I’ve always wanted to study and live abroad, but I didn’t really know where until now. Today, I know that England is my HOME, and by ‘home’, I mean the place whereI can be myself, feel fine and do good.

I’m scared of people’s reaction, that’s why I decided to write it on my blog first. For those who know me and who read this blog, I just have one request to make … Try to understand me, please.

I don’t want to give you this advice…

‘Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life’

if I don’t follow it myself, so… this is what this post is about. It’s about me following my dreams, and as hard as it can be, I’m not giving up on it (not on this one!)

So if I can follow my dream, the dream of living my life in the place where I know I belong… You, guys, can also follow yours!

Now I have to face the persons that could destroy it in a second : my family!

xoxo


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“Forever”… That’s what you’d said.

I think I got my answer… “FOREVER” doesn’t mean anything anymore!

I’ve never thought that my best friend (I don’t even know if I still have the right to call him like this) would make me cry someday. But he did. I’m not angry at him. Life sucks and that’s it! Everyone goes his own way and meets new people and that’s great, there’s nothing greater actually… but on the other hand, you may lose a lot. As far as I’m concerned, there was and there still is no one more important to me than my best friend, but everything’s gone in a few minutes…

One day you think that you’ll always have this one person who will always be there for you, no matter what, who is not like your other friends, and another day everything simply crumbles… You don’t feel anything anymore and above all you don’t want to feel anything (at least I don’t) because nothing makes sense anymore! I started wondering if I had made the right choices or not. When I think about it, I would say that leaving home brought me a lot and now I’m just doing what I’ve always dreamt of doing, but leaving home also made me lose my best friend… So, was it worth leaving then? I don’t know, I really don’t… and regarding the way I’m feeling right now, crumbled, devastated, broken down, lonely… I truly doubt about it.

And please, don’t try to tell me that everything’s going to be alright, that time will make its magic because it won’t. I haven’t seen him for more than 3 years now, so I have already been feeling low, but I believed what one says “Side by side or miles apart, best friends are together if only by heart”. Apparently I was wrong, I shouldn’t have believed that. And now it simply… hurts.

But keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life anyway, guys.

xoxo

PS : I miss you T.


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People always leave…I always leave!

Jonathan Safran Foer once wrote “I hate myself for going, why can’t I be the kind of person who stays?” This is the perpetual question I have in mind. What would my life be like if I hadn’t left first? There is a part of me that truly regrets to have left, but there is also THIS other part of me that is really satisfied to have let everything behind, because THIS part made me grow up the way I wanted to! So which part is the strongest? I don’t know and I can’t say.

If I believe what Enid Blyton wrote, that’s to say “Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something.” , I should have stayed where my heart was, I should have stayed with the only and rare persons who have always been there for me, I should have stayed with my family and my best friend… I should have stayed in my hometown. But then maybe, I wouldn’t have grown up the way I did, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, the person I have always wanted to be.

But is this a good solution? I think there is no good one really. As far as I am concerned, I left home when I was 15 but the way I left and still do… I find it quite CRUEL! I’m a little bit like Cecelia Ahern’s character, “I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little.”  AND I’M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT.

Tim McGraw once wrote “We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” … I will never forget people of my hometown, I actually miss them all the time but I think that thinking of them keeps them around anyway. This way they never really leave me and I never really leave them.

And as I always say, keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

xoxo