On my way… by Marie

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life


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Salvation

“I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily”

I won’t give up – Jason MRAZ

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© xdesx

“But if you tame me, then we
shall need each other.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

… and you did.

Nothing is easy. And becoming friends with the talented person you are is a path full of pitfalls ^^!!! Not very cool things happen, but I’ll get over it, I’m hopelessly hopeful ^^! Some people just don’t know what they’re doing and how they’re affecting people, and they don’t really care as they don’t know them… But listen… all these little and almost insignificant rocks on the road won’t wrecked my hopes. I’ve already written it, probably several times, and I’m writing it again: when two people are meant to become friends, no matter what’s gonna rise up against them, whether it is time, distance or whatsoever, they will eventually find a way to find each other again!

We’re different, that’s true! But what’s that?! An excuse?! We are special and different, and most of all… just the same too! We are humans before anything else in this world! Many people tend to think they are defined by what they’re doing for a living, but that’s just a characteristic of a person! People are defined by who they are inside, by their values, by their soul!

And YOU mate, you have a beautiful and kind soul, one of the most gentle I’ve ever known! If I could give you only one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realise how special you are to me. All around you there are people who are hurting, people who need your love, people who need your encouragement. So let God use your gifts and talents to bless them… Because they blessed me first 🙂 You might not know it at all, but you have been one of the first & only persons, who helped me write again and be more confident about my writing. I’ve come quite a long way since I met you… I got to know myself a bit better when it comes to what I needed to do to be happy… and writing is one of those things ;)! So I simply want to say THANK YOU for being kind of a salvation to me…

“I’m small, I’m young – and I’m so different. You’ve always respected that difference, and you’ve always trusted it. Trust me now. There’s a reason I am the way I am, and there’s a reason I was lead to you. There’s always a reason.”
Dean Koontz, Relentless

I don’t want anything I said or wrote to seem like a farewell, because nothing’s a farewell. Farewell is when there’s nothing else anymore, farewell is when even hope is gone! And you can trust me on that matter because, as Waterschoot once wrote, “I will never give up, just push harder because the thought of quitting is far worse than the temporary pain I’m feeling now”. I will always keep you with me, somewhere here, safe in my heart, you’ll be always on my mind, and this until we meet again… and we will (HOPE is my only motto! :p).

“Not to give up under any circumstances should be the motto of our life: we shall try again and again, and we are bound to succeed. There will be obstacles, but we have to defy them. So do not give up, do not give up! Continue, continue! The goal is ahead of you. If you do not give up, you are bound to reach your destined goal.”
Sri Chinmoy, The Jewels of Happiness: Inspiration and Wisdom to Guide Your Life-Journey

PS: Don’t let anyone change your soul, man, stay who you are, stay true to yourself & keep up. Wishing you all the very best this world has to offer. Will look to you… ALWAYS. X

“I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up, still looking up.”

I won’t give up – Jason MRAZ

Marie 🌸

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“Not enough”… It is never ENOUGH

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Source – © Victor Bezrukov –> See his portfolio here

We’ve all experienced this feeling at least once I our life, or should I say this very deep pain we have in the most profound part of our heart (unless you’re that kind of jerk, who loves himself and has absolutely no doubt about his brilliance :p).

I wanted to write about it today, because this feeling is very familiar to me. I’ve always lived with that thought, I’ve always felt that pain. And I have experienced it again quite recently, so…

Don’t ask me why, don’t try to know anything about it. It’s really too complicated and personal: it’s a mix of the demons of the past and the current ones, it’s about so many things at the time…

Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not normal enough. Not thankful enough. Not nice enough. Not enough actually (because the list could be very long otherwise!). That’s what I fear. That’s what I’ve always feared. And it hurts… it hurts so much to live with this feeling, to be convinced that whatever you do, it won’t be enough.

Here’s a quote, which perfectly describes what I feel (because I know that when it comes to feelings, it’s never easy to write so that everything’s clear; and sometimes a little quote, a few words are what we need to understand ourselves a bit better, isn’t it?)

« The pain, say, of making mistakes in public, the pain of rejection, the pain of not being pretty or handsome or tall enough, or delightful and gregarious enough, or rich enough or confident enough, or young enough; the pain of not fitting in, of being an outsider, the pain of being dependent and constantly obliged to be thankful and grateful; the pain of having a dead mother or an idiotic mother or a father who doesn’t seem to love you; the pain of boredom and uselessness and pointlessness; the deep, deep pain of disappointment, and of longing. » – Joanna TROLLOPE

 

It may be because I am a perfectionist, and consequently I’m never satisfied with what I do, what I look like, how I behave, …

I guess, then, that we simply have to learn to live with it. And that’s all. Even if it’s hard, there’s no miraculous remedy, no obvious solution but to carry on and not forget to smile 😉

And, of course, to

Keep holding on to what we love & enjoy the ride of life anyway 😉

Source - © Victor Bezrukov

Source – © Victor Bezrukov –> See his portfolio here

I write to you very soon (I’m already working on the next post, which is likely to come out tomorrow 😉

xoxo my lovely readers ❤


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A beautiful mess of feelings…

Paulo Coelho once wrote “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” And I love writing, I love posting new articles on the blog and seeing that you, guys, always come more numerous to read them (even if sometimes the inspiration is not there and it probably looks like a real bullshit then!). So I would like to THANK all of you very very much for that! xx

And for this very special reason, I want to improve it (the posts, my English ^^, everything really!) and above all, I want to surprise you, try to find something unusual to do, original and successful at the same time! And I think I’m about to get something but I don’t want to tell you too much about it because I’m not sure of anything yet (but I deeply & truly hope I can do it!).

You may wonder “why so MYSTERIOUS?”, but believe me, if I can write THIS POST I really look forward to write, I think you’ll be anything but disappointed, guys! So as previously mentioned, I HOPE! It is besides Barbara Kingsolver who once wrote that “the very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” I know what I want to do, and believe me, I’m quite determined to get it! I am totally determined to write the best & much-talked-about post this blog has ever known! Now you know what to do, guys… CROSS YOUR FINGERS so that I can have concrete and positive ANSWERS (which would allow me, by the way, to write this ‘famous’ POST).

Shel Silverstein once wrote “Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shoudln’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” The thing I need to do to write my POST, the interview (notice that you’ve got a clue now 😉 ) I’d like to do may seem impossible, unreachable. But as Silverstein said, I’m listening to what that kind of things (the impossibles, unreachables, never haves & whatsoever), and this way, I deeply know & I am truly convinced that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! I’ve got FAITH & I may be a fool sometimes or at least a very naive person… but I do trust people. That’s why, I think, I’ll always have this HOPE inside of me ;).

But maybe sometimes, I trust them too much… But when it comes to your family, how can you not trust people? (Well regarding my mother, I probably can… but this is another story!) So here comes the other feelings I have inside of me. I am very HOPEFUL and EXCITED about all this blog stuff (as I previously explained it), but in the same time, I feel a bit betrayed and taken-for-an-idiot by my own father. Indeed in an older post, I explained to you that I was going to postpone my project about moving away to live & study in England, because my dad needed me. I know he does need me, I know it’s better for him when I’m at home. But the thing is that I thought he needed me to be here because of his cancer and all the chemotherapy thing… but actually he wants me to be at home because HE doesn’t want to be alone! Isn’t that selfish? But to be honest I already knew that and I know he gets depressed because of it… So (as I am, I think, a good & nice person) I can’t leave him like that!

I know what you’re wondering right now. “But where does this feeling of BETRAYAL come from then?” Well, apparently my father is SO desperate that he tries to be in a relationship again! And each time he introduces me to a new (let’s say it) “girlfriend”, I could realize all my dreams then, he would let me go without any ‘BUT‘. And actually that’s what he’s about to do for Easter when I meet him (and “HER” apparently) in London!!! Oh my Gosh! Does he think that I’m an idiot, that I don’t know what this lady means to him (she’s going to be the 5th one already since the divorce!)?! He’s really unbelievable! It’s just as if he wanted to “sell” something when he talks to me about her! But if he’s happy with her, I’m not going to say anything, I’m just going to be happy for him, and IF it doesn’t work, I would really appreciate if he could let me live my life, like FOR GOOD! So yes, I feel a bit betrayed because he thinks that I don’t know what this is all about!

Anyway, if it works with her or even with the next one (never mind now really!), I’ll be very happy for him but also MAD because I would have postponed one of my dreams for nothing really but a desperate heart (I can understand that it’s hard to be alone, but now I just find it & HIM really pathetic!). I’m sorry… I may seem rude, but I’m not. I’m simply fed up with all that and all I ask for is to live my life the way I think is the best for me! (And THIS doesn’t include staying with my dad until he finds a new wife or whatsoever!!!). We can’t live like this… I can’t. I know that if I go, it will be painful for him, but if I stay in France, it will be painful for me! So it’s kind of a dilemma, isn’t it? I really like this quote of Paulo Coelho : “If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now.” It kind of speaks to me… My dad has to choose between my happiness and what he thinks is his (but having his daughter by his sides his entire life can’t make him happy… well, I think?! A dad is supposed to see & want the happiness of his children before his own, isn’t he? And I think that knowing I am happy (in England ^^) could make him even happier… plus he’s going to have someone else to look after him now, he’s not going to need me anymore! (or at least not as much!)).

One word : COMPLICATED! And it’s actually hard to put up with all these feelings because they’re quite the opposite of each other. So I feel good and really excited about all these projects (and especially one :D) with the blog, and in the same time I’ve got all these family problems (but everybody has some, right?!) which are a real burden!

As far as you’re concerned, guys, you know what to do…

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉 (and please, pray with me so that my projects can very soon be part of the reality!)

xoxo


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What would be England without rain?!

Another Monday or should I say… another rainy Monday!

This day is already the worst day of the week but England knows how to make it worse! (But my 3000 unread emails drove me pretty mad too today!!!) Still wondering? Well, it seems pretty obvious to me that the rain and England are like two soul mates (excuse the comparison… I’m not the grand-grand-grand-grand-… daughter of Shakespeare or Hugo or whatsoever but I still have time to improve all that, don’t I?)

I hate it when it rains! It makes you smell like a wet dog (Hmmm… charming, isn’t it?) and it makes you even colder than you’ve already been! No, really, I can’t see any advantages to the rain… Even if I have to admit that in some romantic movies, the rain emphasizes the drama… or not! (What am I even saying?! Sorry that was the only inspiration of the day! Jane Austen and her Mr Darcy are rubbing off on me.)

No seriously… the rain may become a friend sometimes. Isn’t it Charles Chaplin who once said: “I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.” And to be honest, even if I don’t like the rainy days at all, they are quite good companions when you’re feeling a bit low. And then when the rain goes away, it is likely that the pain does the same (or not!… but sometimes it may work!) Douglas Coupland himself wrote “The richness of the rain made me feel  safe and protected; I have always considered the rain to be healing-a blanket-the comfort of a friend. Without at least some rain in any given day, or at least a cloud or two on the horizon, I feel overwhelmed by the information of sunlight and yearn for the vital, muffling gift of falling water.” And of course we must not forget that the RAIN inspired more than one poet!

But beyond that and HONESTLY, who likes rain? Tttt… I already know what you’re going to tell me… “Marie, you should really get used to it if you plan to live in England!” and my answer can’t be anything else but “I KNOW!” Sincerely, it’s not the rain which is going to stop me! Plus it would be really ridiculous (and pathetic… letting the rain stop us, but where does the world go?!)

Anyway, I won’t go any further today (I think I’ve almost written a dissertation about rain (I SAID “ALMOST”!)… I’m just going to quote David Levithan who once wrote “Singing in the rain. I’m singing in the rain. And it’s such a fucking glorious feeling.” (It is indeed :D)

I hope and I wish everybody to have this feeling when it rains (it’s more joyful than when it’s associated with any kind of pain!)

But above all, my dear readers,

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

xoxo