On my way… by Marie

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life


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New Beginning…

I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer.
At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them.
Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times.
I was a singer – not a very popular one,
I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I’d been living, they asked me why – but there’s no use in talking to people who have home.
They have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people – for home to be wherever you lay your head.
♪ Ride – Lana Del Rey ♪

I am dedicating this post to the adorable people I met in England & I view as my friends today, to Caroline Behan (the funny, faithful and true friend), Becky Murray (the very supportive and sweet but slightly crazy friend), Laura Payne (the thoughtful friend and one of the nicest girls on earth), Jamie Ward (the sensitive “gangsta” & big brother friend) and Melody Wilson (the popular girl… but the nice one ^^ ! #haha).

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” – C. Joybell C.

Strength & Love… that’s what a new beginning usually brings back into your life! It starts with a smile, a hello, a simple name or just a door that is held. In fact, it starts when you meet THOSE people! It starts when you feel like you’re home when you look THEM in the eyes…

And there is ONE thing you feel… You feel butterflies! You feel butterflies in your stomach, you feel like everything has changed in a burst of light and after a while (and that’s precisely where I am now!) you feel like you just wanna know THEM better, because they are the people who made your heart beat again, the people who showed you, proved you there was hope when everything was dark around you (or at least not very bright :p!). Lisi Harrison once wrote “It was an image I would never forget. Or was it the emotions the image conjured – hope, excitement, and fear of the unknown, all three tightly braided together, creating a fourth emotion that was impossible to define. It was getting a second chance at happiness and it tickled like swallowing fifty fuzzy caterpillars.” That’s how I felt when I met them… It’s a bit like welcoming the new year, full of unknown and exciting things that have never been.

You can start so many things with new friends! They have a picture of you that is so pure and new and fresh! My new friends don’t see the girl I used to be because I don’t want them to see her, I don’t want them to see the depressed, insecure and quite fragile girl I was… I don’t want that because this girl doesn’t really exist anymore, she got rid of all her burdens and she’s more than ever ready to move on! There is nonetheless Carl Bard who reminds this: “Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” So in short, it’s all about second chances… And because these people I’ve quoted at the beginning showed me a whole new world, a world where there’s more happiness I’ve never thought there could be, because they maybe unconsciously offered me this second chance, and because they are also giving me the perspective of another ending (an happier one!); for all these reasons, you’ll probably better understand why I can’t go back to where & who I used to be, why I can’t live the rest of my life in France and become the girl I was again (I love my homeland, my friends and my family… this has nothing to do with them in particular, but with the situation some of them created).

So all I’m gonna do now is not count the days, hours, minutes and seconds that separate me from England, from the hearts of my friends, well from home actually (because you know your home is, above all, in the hearts of the people you love and who love you!), BUT I’m gonna make every day, every hour, every minute and every second I’ll spend with THEM count! It’s been a too long time now I’m living like I’m not alive that I am NOT not going to take every opportunity to start over and finally live the way I’m supposed to (if this makes any sense?! :/)!

I will simply finish this post with a quote of Roman Payne, once more witnessing how travelling help you realise where & who you belong with…

“Cities were always like people, showing their varying personalities to the traveller. Depending on the city and on the traveller, there might begin a mutual love, or dislike, friendship, or enmity. Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality. Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected.”

Everything’s pretty clear to me now! I’ve found my safe place… in England, a place where I feel at ease. I’ve met a lovely bunch of people I now consider home (yes I’m talking about you who saw their names coloured in orange at the beginning of this article :p !!! ^^). In fact, I’ve found those people and that place, giving me that happy-cry feeling! And honestly, aren’t those things some of the most important things there are in life?!

Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people, and finally I did on the open road.
We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art.
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.
I believe in the person I want to become.
I believe in the freedom of the open road.
And my motto is the same as ever:
“I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride.”
♪ Ride – Lana Del Rey ♪

Keep holding on to what you love, my sweet readers & enjoy the ride of life (you never know where it might lead you! Look!)

Much love to you all ❤

xoxo


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A little walk along the seaside… #Hayling

My dear sweeties,

Today, I would like to share a few personal photos I took last Wednesday when the sun was hopefully and finally brightly shining above the British territory. Thus, it was absolutely ‘common sense’ to go outside by that lovely sunny day, enjoy the sun, take a deep breath and start taking some (I hope) wonderful photos ;p

So I went for a walk along the seaside on Hayling Island, where I am currently living and enjoyed a roughly one hour wander 🙂

I truly hope you’ll like my ‘shoot’… I am no professional photographer, so I hope you won’t hold it against me >< But the bright sun of that day made them (I think) quite cool 😉

The only thing you have to do now is enjoying the ride…

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And a last photo, a little bit mysterious… with my only shadow! I’m sorry but I think you’ll have to wait a bit longer before you can discover the actual face of On my way… 😉

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I hope you enjoyed the ride, my lovely ones…

And remember…

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

Much Love to all of you and I get a very yummy post ready for tomorrow ;p

xoxo


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Nothing will ever be the same…

© Jean-Marie Viguié

© Jean-Marie Viguié

“I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” – Mary Anne Radmacher (Expect that, as far as I’m concerned, it is only on the other side of the Channel :p)

I mean… that’s true! What do expect? Who do you expect me to be? The exact same girl I was when I left in January? Hmmm, I don’t think so! How can you even expect me to be the same person? I’ve been LIVING (I especially want to highlight this word “LIVING”, because during all that time in England and for one of the first times in my life, I truly felt like I was living, like I could actually breathe and be happy… I’ve just been reminded what it was to smile… it’s as easy as that!) abroad for 6 months, I’ve met incredible people (who are now my friends), I’ve discovered new customs and adopted them… And I don’t want to give up on all that, simply because it’s part of me now, part of who I am, part of who I’ve become. You can’t honestly ask me to forget all I’ve been experiencing and be the girl I used to be again, because I can’t do that, I simply CAN’T!

And if it grieves you, dad, grandpa, grandma, little bro, my friends… well, I’m sorry but the only thing I have to say is… “You DEFINITELY should have known that!” Everybody knows that a ‘travel’ such as this is not without consequences; it leaves its mark, and mine DEFINITELY left an indelible one on me!Therefore, I know that nothing’s going to be the same again… it’s just IMPOSSIBLE!

And here I am, facing the sea and thinking that what can be expected from this point forth are the magical fluidity of every moment, and the sense of peace in knowing that my life will never be the same again.

Mark Twain once wrote: “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.” I kind of tend to have the same opinion… and I think that if my family and friends react the way they do, it’s simply because they don’t know what it is to live abroad and then realize that none of the parts of your former life will be the same, that everything’s about to change. Why? Because you have brand new eyes, you see things differently; because you ARE different, you’ve changed; in a word, you’ve grown up (well that’s actually 4 words but… NEVERMIND!) I think that’s what Terry Pratchett meant when he wrote, “Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colours. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”

As far as I’m concerned, I needed to leave. I needed to leave to find myself and (also, I think) to realize I could actually be happy even after all the mess that had invaded my family (and unfortunately, the mess is still going on :s!). So, as I am facing that powerful feeling today, the feeling of a possible happiness, but above all, the feeling of belonging somewhere, I can assure you that I won’t let them change who I’ve become… because (and I hope I’m not arrogant saying this) I’m kind of proud of that person ;p!

Become who you want to become so that you can be proud of yourself (a little bit of pride never killed anyone, did it?!): that would be my advice for today ;)!

And of course,

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

Much love to all my readers 💛💛

xoxo


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‘Stay then…’

That’s what Jamie told me the other day when I said to him I really didn’t want to go back to France.

“Stay then…”

The answer seems so obvious! But maybe it is!? After all, why would I go if I don’t want to? why would I come home if that makes me unhappy, sad and depressed? There is no point in it, apart from the happiness of my dad apparently!

I know this is already the second time I write about it, but it truly tortures me! I know I’ll have to go back in a few months and I will… and I also know that ANYWAY I’ll be back here for good in less than two years (and I’m not even talking of all the opportunities I’ll have so that I can come back in the next two years! :D), but the only thought of leaving my dad alone when I know it will destroy him (even in two years! Even if he has two years to get his head round the idea… It will still not be enough for him!) also kills me!

But when I think about it, I clearly see that my dad is being selfish! The other day, I talked to him on the phone and he told me that even if he knew I was really happy in England (and that actually I’ve never been that fine for quite a long time), he couldn’t get used to living without me! Oh Come On!!!! It’s not because he can’t “live without me”, it’s just because he needs some company! He didn’t especially want to see me when he was with his NEW girlfriend in London the other day (I spent my Saturday evening on my own, because they were going to the opera!), even if, initially, the aim of their trip was to see me (not that I think I’m essential, but when he told me this girl offered him a weekend in London (which actually was not true… I figured it out during the weekend! NO COMMENT.) because she knew he NEEDED to see me, and so on, and so on, well excuse me if I understood they were REALLY coming to see me!).

I nevertheless spent a wonderful weekend in London (it’s always great ANYWAY!), I didn’t get lost in the tube (which I think deserves a congratulation, doesn’t it?! :p) and I met Jamie, a very nice person!

But here I am now! I’m gonna go back to France in a few months, be the girl of the family again and try to put up with all the mess (the one I’m likely to find when I come home (because with two men, two dogs and a cat in it… I don’t want to imagine how it’s gonna look like! :s) but also the ‘family’ one). Indeed, I’ll have to face my brother, who’s getting more and more withdrawn, my dad and his all-the-time complaining (it gets really annoying as the time passes by) , my too protective & even possessive grandparents and my irresponsible, dizzy & frivolous mother! (Even if I don’t see her anymore, I can assure you that I hear from her everyday… and not in a good way if you know what I mean!).

Anyway, all I know now is that I feel SAFE here, in England. I know these problems are still here and will somehow always be if there’s at least still one person (in my family), who doesn’t move on… But I want to move on and feel HAPPY & SAFE. I chose England to be so, and I know I will. After all, what are not even two years in a life? We could say nothing… but here and now, I came to the point that it’s maybe two years too many.

Some people will say that I run away from all this, some others will simply say that I follow my dreams! And I say that’s maybe both! But I don’t mind, because I know that I’ve found a home (you know this place you call HOME your entire life wherever you go, wherever you are). Well, England is that place for me :). And as one says, we always find our way back home. Right?

“We all flee in hope of finding some ground of security”
― M.T. Anderson, The Kingdom on the Waves

And as far as you’re concerned, my lovely dear readers, I think you know what to do…

Keep holding to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

xoxo