On my way… by Marie

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life


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‘Stay then…’

That’s what Jamie told me the other day when I said to him I really didn’t want to go back to France.

“Stay then…”

The answer seems so obvious! But maybe it is!? After all, why would I go if I don’t want to? why would I come home if that makes me unhappy, sad and depressed? There is no point in it, apart from the happiness of my dad apparently!

I know this is already the second time I write about it, but it truly tortures me! I know I’ll have to go back in a few months and I will… and I also know that ANYWAY I’ll be back here for good in less than two years (and I’m not even talking of all the opportunities I’ll have so that I can come back in the next two years! :D), but the only thought of leaving my dad alone when I know it will destroy him (even in two years! Even if he has two years to get his head round the idea… It will still not be enough for him!) also kills me!

But when I think about it, I clearly see that my dad is being selfish! The other day, I talked to him on the phone and he told me that even if he knew I was really happy in England (and that actually I’ve never been that fine for quite a long time), he couldn’t get used to living without me! Oh Come On!!!! It’s not because he can’t “live without me”, it’s just because he needs some company! He didn’t especially want to see me when he was with his NEW girlfriend in London the other day (I spent my Saturday evening on my own, because they were going to the opera!), even if, initially, the aim of their trip was to see me (not that I think I’m essential, but when he told me this girl offered him a weekend in London (which actually was not true… I figured it out during the weekend! NO COMMENT.) because she knew he NEEDED to see me, and so on, and so on, well excuse me if I understood they were REALLY coming to see me!).

I nevertheless spent a wonderful weekend in London (it’s always great ANYWAY!), I didn’t get lost in the tube (which I think deserves a congratulation, doesn’t it?! :p) and I met Jamie, a very nice person!

But here I am now! I’m gonna go back to France in a few months, be the girl of the family again and try to put up with all the mess (the one I’m likely to find when I come home (because with two men, two dogs and a cat in it… I don’t want to imagine how it’s gonna look like! :s) but also the ‘family’ one). Indeed, I’ll have to face my brother, who’s getting more and more withdrawn, my dad and his all-the-time complaining (it gets really annoying as the time passes by) , my too protective & even possessive grandparents and my irresponsible, dizzy & frivolous mother! (Even if I don’t see her anymore, I can assure you that I hear from her everyday… and not in a good way if you know what I mean!).

Anyway, all I know now is that I feel SAFE here, in England. I know these problems are still here and will somehow always be if there’s at least still one person (in my family), who doesn’t move on… But I want to move on and feel HAPPY & SAFE. I chose England to be so, and I know I will. After all, what are not even two years in a life? We could say nothing… but here and now, I came to the point that it’s maybe two years too many.

Some people will say that I run away from all this, some others will simply say that I follow my dreams! And I say that’s maybe both! But I don’t mind, because I know that I’ve found a home (you know this place you call HOME your entire life wherever you go, wherever you are). Well, England is that place for me :). And as one says, we always find our way back home. Right?

“We all flee in hope of finding some ground of security”
― M.T. Anderson, The Kingdom on the Waves

And as far as you’re concerned, my lovely dear readers, I think you know what to do…

Keep holding to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

xoxo


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Easter’s coming soon! Excited?

Oh yes I am, I really love this time of the year! I know Easter is, above all, a christian feast, but it is also a really good time to be a bit naughty and eat some chocolate! Mmmm… Yummy, Yummy!!!! I know you’re already drooling over it, don’t lie! No, but honestly, don’t you think?

As far as I’m concerned, Easter is the symbol of hope! There is no particular time in the year to give a bit of yourself to others (because I think that is something you should do everyday!) but if you feel a bit guilty about that and you think you’ve been a bit selfish or whatsoever and you want to change it, well… Easter is THE perfect time for that change! Steven James once wrote “The gifts of the Master are these: freedom, life, hope, new direction, transformation, and intimacy with God. If the cross was the end of the story, we would have no hope. But the cross isn’t the end. Jesus didn’t escape from death; he conquered it and opened the way to heaven for all who will dare to believe. The truth of this moment, if we let it sweep over us, is stunning. It means Jesus really is who he claimed to be, we are really as lost as he said we are, and he really is the only way for us to intimately and spiritually connect with God again.” I know this is a very religious quote, but it shows you what Easter means to me.

It is indeed the perfect time to GIVE, even if you don’t give much. It is not about how much you give, but about how much love you put in what you do. Actually, it is often with a simple and true smile that you can turn the saddest person into the happiest one. Just like that, in the twinkling of an eye ;)! Pretty easy, isn’t it? Personally, I don’t see and I don’t know better gift than a truthful smile :). And as one of the biggest admirer of Mother Teresa, I couldn’t do anything but agree with what she once said… “Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family.”

But for all my greedy readers (and I must admit that I… may be a bit greedy when it comes to chocolate… but just a bit!), Easter is synonym with CHOCOLATE! And how could I be mad at you for that? (I’m the same, but my brother’s so much worse!!!) I mean, everyone loves chocolate, right? And speaking of, I let you have a quick & “gourmand” look at my last NAUGHTY purchases…

So Yummy!!!

So Yummy!!!

You can reassure yourself, though. It is not for me but for my lovely ‘adopting’ & ‘adopted’ family, my dear colleagues, my dad and some others who (I think) will have a pretty good surprise when I see them in London this weekend! Yes, I know I’m going back to London (how lucky am I!) but I can’t help it, I really love it! Plus I’ll see one of my friend and my dad with his new girlfriend (I don’t really look forward to that part of the weekend, but never mind! I know I’ll have a great time anyway… and you’ll have, for sure, a lot more details about it when I’m back on my island 😉 )

But in the meantime, I wish all of you to spend a very happy Easter (try not to eat too much chocolate though, you’d risk an indigestion :s!) and…

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

xoxo


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A beautiful mess of feelings…

Paulo Coelho once wrote “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” And I love writing, I love posting new articles on the blog and seeing that you, guys, always come more numerous to read them (even if sometimes the inspiration is not there and it probably looks like a real bullshit then!). So I would like to THANK all of you very very much for that! xx

And for this very special reason, I want to improve it (the posts, my English ^^, everything really!) and above all, I want to surprise you, try to find something unusual to do, original and successful at the same time! And I think I’m about to get something but I don’t want to tell you too much about it because I’m not sure of anything yet (but I deeply & truly hope I can do it!).

You may wonder “why so MYSTERIOUS?”, but believe me, if I can write THIS POST I really look forward to write, I think you’ll be anything but disappointed, guys! So as previously mentioned, I HOPE! It is besides Barbara Kingsolver who once wrote that “the very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” I know what I want to do, and believe me, I’m quite determined to get it! I am totally determined to write the best & much-talked-about post this blog has ever known! Now you know what to do, guys… CROSS YOUR FINGERS so that I can have concrete and positive ANSWERS (which would allow me, by the way, to write this ‘famous’ POST).

Shel Silverstein once wrote “Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shoudln’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” The thing I need to do to write my POST, the interview (notice that you’ve got a clue now 😉 ) I’d like to do may seem impossible, unreachable. But as Silverstein said, I’m listening to what that kind of things (the impossibles, unreachables, never haves & whatsoever), and this way, I deeply know & I am truly convinced that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! I’ve got FAITH & I may be a fool sometimes or at least a very naive person… but I do trust people. That’s why, I think, I’ll always have this HOPE inside of me ;).

But maybe sometimes, I trust them too much… But when it comes to your family, how can you not trust people? (Well regarding my mother, I probably can… but this is another story!) So here comes the other feelings I have inside of me. I am very HOPEFUL and EXCITED about all this blog stuff (as I previously explained it), but in the same time, I feel a bit betrayed and taken-for-an-idiot by my own father. Indeed in an older post, I explained to you that I was going to postpone my project about moving away to live & study in England, because my dad needed me. I know he does need me, I know it’s better for him when I’m at home. But the thing is that I thought he needed me to be here because of his cancer and all the chemotherapy thing… but actually he wants me to be at home because HE doesn’t want to be alone! Isn’t that selfish? But to be honest I already knew that and I know he gets depressed because of it… So (as I am, I think, a good & nice person) I can’t leave him like that!

I know what you’re wondering right now. “But where does this feeling of BETRAYAL come from then?” Well, apparently my father is SO desperate that he tries to be in a relationship again! And each time he introduces me to a new (let’s say it) “girlfriend”, I could realize all my dreams then, he would let me go without any ‘BUT‘. And actually that’s what he’s about to do for Easter when I meet him (and “HER” apparently) in London!!! Oh my Gosh! Does he think that I’m an idiot, that I don’t know what this lady means to him (she’s going to be the 5th one already since the divorce!)?! He’s really unbelievable! It’s just as if he wanted to “sell” something when he talks to me about her! But if he’s happy with her, I’m not going to say anything, I’m just going to be happy for him, and IF it doesn’t work, I would really appreciate if he could let me live my life, like FOR GOOD! So yes, I feel a bit betrayed because he thinks that I don’t know what this is all about!

Anyway, if it works with her or even with the next one (never mind now really!), I’ll be very happy for him but also MAD because I would have postponed one of my dreams for nothing really but a desperate heart (I can understand that it’s hard to be alone, but now I just find it & HIM really pathetic!). I’m sorry… I may seem rude, but I’m not. I’m simply fed up with all that and all I ask for is to live my life the way I think is the best for me! (And THIS doesn’t include staying with my dad until he finds a new wife or whatsoever!!!). We can’t live like this… I can’t. I know that if I go, it will be painful for him, but if I stay in France, it will be painful for me! So it’s kind of a dilemma, isn’t it? I really like this quote of Paulo Coelho : “If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now.” It kind of speaks to me… My dad has to choose between my happiness and what he thinks is his (but having his daughter by his sides his entire life can’t make him happy… well, I think?! A dad is supposed to see & want the happiness of his children before his own, isn’t he? And I think that knowing I am happy (in England ^^) could make him even happier… plus he’s going to have someone else to look after him now, he’s not going to need me anymore! (or at least not as much!)).

One word : COMPLICATED! And it’s actually hard to put up with all these feelings because they’re quite the opposite of each other. So I feel good and really excited about all these projects (and especially one :D) with the blog, and in the same time I’ve got all these family problems (but everybody has some, right?!) which are a real burden!

As far as you’re concerned, guys, you know what to do…

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉 (and please, pray with me so that my projects can very soon be part of the reality!)

xoxo


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1, 2, 3, … London!!!

1, 2, 3, ... London!!!!

1, 2, 3, … London!!!!

I’m back from London but I already miss it a lot. This city has something special, I couldn’t say what exactly, but it has a kind of magic that, when you’re there, makes you think everything’s better here than anywhere else in the world! You agree, don’t you? Or maybe it is just me…

As usual, London didn’t disappoint me! And it might have something to do with the reunion with my dad & my little brother…

Indeed the reunion at the Saint-Ermins Hotel was more than a hearty welcome. I was really happy to see them again (and believe it or not, but especially my little bro who I’ve talked for hours to before we could start to do something like visiting or whatsoever!)

Welcome at the St-Ermins Hotel (London) !

Welcome at the St-Ermins Hotel (London) !

…but London wouldn’t be London without its marvelous sights!

Indeed during those four days, we’ve seen lots of things that London has to offer…

The V&A Museum

The V&A Museum

The British Museum and its amazing inside

The British Museum and its amazing inside

The very touristy Madame Tussauds Museum

The very touristy Madame Tussauds Museum

And let’s finish with the best memory I’ve brought back with me… THE awesome, amazing, stunning & everlasting MUSICAL… I’m obviously talking about Les Misérables

The must-see musical... Les Mis ♥♥♥

The must-see musical… Les Mis ♥♥♥

I really enjoyed this show!(but I think you got it 😉 !!!) The 6th of March 2013 will always stay in my mind as the best evening I’ve ever spent! The artists are more than amazing! I especially found the young boy who was playing Gavroche particularly impressing. To tell you the truth… the first time I read the book, I imagined Gavroche the way this boy gave him birth on stage that evening! But he’s not the only one who left his mark… Jamie Ward as Marius, Danielle Hope as Eponine, Geronimo Rauch as Jean Valjean, Celinde Schoenmaker as Fantine and Samantha Dorsey as Cosette are without any doubt & definitely my favorites!!! But Tam Mutu is an incredible Javert and Cameron Blakely knew how to make the character of Thénardier a bit funnier and less mean. In two words : an AMAZING CAST!!! The songs are simply stunning. But above all, there’s one thing I must say… Thank you, Victor Hugo! Because without him, this wouldn’t have even been possible!  I’d like to write a special post about this musical, so it may come one of these days… Excited?! I bet on it, yes!

With it, I hope you’ll like this article as much as I enjoyed those four days in London and…

Keep holding on to what you love & enjoy the ride of life 😉

xoxo